Avenging Swarkles
by how-i-met-my-otp
Summary: Actually a triple crossover between HIMYM, Avengers, and Dr. Horrible, in which Barney and Robin have other identities.
1. Chapter 1

It had been almost a year since Penny passed away.

Billy sat alone at the laundry mat, not doing laundry, not doing anything. The Evil League of Evil made him feel empty, and that was all he wanted after losing her. When he wasn't Dr. Horrible, he forced himself to be anyone but Billy. He wore suits, chose a new name and a new persona. He pretended to be the opposite of Billy. Now, he was Barney Stinson, confident, charismatic and irresistible. He slept around constantly, hoping at some point he would forget Penny. He never did.

The clock ticked on and he tried desperately to convince himself that he had let go, that he was the horrible villain he pretended to be and had begun to turn into. Every day he became more villainous. He learned to be manipulative and clever and merciless, but no matter what he stole or who he fought, traces of his old self lingered on beneath the surface. _I won't feel a thing._ He told himself, over and over, failing to keep his countless promises to himself.

As he stared hopelessly ahead at the washing machine, the same one she used to use, he was Billy, as hard as he tried not to be. He shook away the feelings as best he could, and left, forcing himself not to look back.

That night, he begun planning a new crime, desperate for distraction. He was brainstorming what his next move would be when he heard his name on the television.

"Things are getting out of hand. What will he do next? What will be his next move?" He heard a reporter say. After a minute of listening in he also heard that S.H.I.E.L.D. had become involved in "putting a stop to the chaos Dr. Horrible has brought to society." He smiled. This is what he had always wanted. He was finally being taken seriously, if only she were still around to see what he'd become.

He decided one night that it was time for his next crime. It wasn't anything big, just a routine robbery. Dr. Horrible arrived at the largest bank in the city, entering without stealth, freeze ray in hand. He found no resistance, as usual, until he arrived at the vault. A women had been waiting for him, gun in hand. She spoke into a mouthpiece with a serious tone, "I got him."

She was beautiful, but with a cold look in her eye that pushed any doubts from his mind that she would hesitate to kill him. The girl wore a tight, dark blue full-body suit. Her deep brown hair was tied up behind her, bangs falling over her stern face. "Really, Horrible? I'd think a world-renowned villain like you would be a little more careful." She lowered her gun, seeing that he was less of a threat than she had expected.

He ignored her comment, brushing it off and introducing himself in his most suave voice. "Well… hello." He lowered his freeze ray and reached out a hand to shake hers, "I'm Dr. Horrible, I've got a PHD in horribleness." He winked.

She rolled her eyes, pushing his hand away, "Is that your catchphrase? Really? I expected more from you."

"I _do have_ a few others." He pointed out.

"Like what?"

"Suit up!"

"That one is a lot better."

"So, down to business?" He said, again in the voice he would use if he had been trying to pick up any girl on any night at MacLarens.

She obliged, seeming to pull a pair of handcuffs from thin air. He eyed them gleefully, "Something about you tells me you like it dirty." He said with an approving nod of the head and his signature wink.

Rolling her eyes yet again, she flashed a badge, "Agent Hill. S.H.I.E.L.D. Turn around."

He chuckled, continuing in his most seductive voice, "What are you going to do to me, Agent Hill?"

"Arrest you." She spoke with aggression, raising her gun rather casually, and pointing it straight at his head.

He took a breath, preparing to say something in return, but the energy he had built up suddenly vanished. His defenses came down. He dropped his head, raised his hands, tossed his weapons to the floor, and turned around. It felt wrong to admit defeat with so much ease, but in that moment he ceased to care. He realized that none of it meant anything, not the League or the fame or anything. The only thing – the only one he truly wanted was dead. He had so much to lose, everything he had worked for, and yet he had nothing. So he gave in, thinking that world domination had seemed so much more worthwhile while he had someone to impress with it.

…

He found himself alone, again, in an empty Shield holding cell. He hated every minute there, with no company other than the thoughts he was usually busy enough to ignore. A door outside his cell slid open, Maria Hill walking through quietly. Despite his new-found hatred for her, he couldn't help but notice the gentle sway of her hips as she did so.

"How are you?" she asked, sounding insincere.

"Kind of bored." He answered honestly. "Would it kill you to give me something to entertain myself with?"

"Like what?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. Porn?"

"This room is filled with cameras, I don't think it'd be the best thing for us operating them to see you jacking off." She said with a sigh of exasperation.

"You're right. It'd be dangerous, for you especially. You'll never be able to resist me after you see what I'm packing." He winked.

She rolled her eyes, smiling slightly. "Not a chance. You know, for a supposed 'super villain' you seem to be quite preoccupied with getting yourself laid."

"So? What does it matter?" He said, sounding a little bit like a rebellious teenager trying to seem more badass than he actually was.

"Well, with that attitude it isn't any wonder that you ended up behind bars."

"Oh, so now I'm careless?" He near exploded, raising his voice, pain clearly etched onto his face. "As if I had some real shot at success. And it wouldn't even matter if I did, because if I did, thanks to you, I don't anymore. So may as well give up, right? May as well get fucking laid, because what else is there? Success is about sacrifice, and the shred of success I gained from the sacrifice I made is gone. I'm going to lose the job that cost me everything I had."

Maria softened, replying quietly and with a hint of concern, "What happened?"

"All you need to know is I lost the only person I ever loved trying to get the job I probably just lost."

"I'm sorry."

"Well that fixes everything, doesn't it? You shouldn't have brought me here."

"It's my job."

"You should've just shot me, it was right in your hand. You could've." He shouted, his pain-filled voice trembling, on the brink of tears.

Maria sat down and stared at her shoes, knowing that a single look at him right now would tear her apart. She longed to say "I'm sorry" but knew that it meant nothing at this point. The words were far too overused.

"If there's anything I can do to help…" she began.

"Kill me." He said, simply and forcefully.

"I can't."

"Oh, really, because I seem to remember you with a gun pointed at my head before. Why not now?"

"I kill bad guys. And I can see now that you're not one."

"I am." He nearly begged.

"No, you're not. And I'm not going to kill you, but I am going to get you out of here."

…

"He's dangerous." Her boss, Nick Fury, stated firmly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"He's not dangerous. There's no point keeping…" Maria reasoned, following him down a long hallway.

"Case closed, Agent Hill. We do not release criminals like him. End of discussion."

"I'll watch him, make sure he doesn't get into any more trouble. If he does, I'll bring him back."

He turned to face her, stopping suddenly, "You're actually going to bail this guy out?"

"If that's what it takes? Yes."

He raised his eyebrows at her, suspicious as to why she cared about freeing the same villain she had earlier been so eager to help catch. "Fine, but I'm holding you responsible if I end up regretting this decision." He said in a serious tone.

"Of course," she said as professionally as possible, holding back a smile.


	2. Chapter 2

"Thanks." Billy said quietly, sitting across from Maria, stuffing another spoonful of frozen yogurt into his mouth. It made him remember Penny, which he had been trying to avoid doing, but he missed the taste, creamy and sweet and delightful on his lips.

"It was the least I could do. You didn't belong in there." Maria looked down at her bowl, smiling, "This is good. I love frozen yogurt."

"Me too." He replied, attempting to push Penny from his mind, and failing miserably.

"Billy, I'm really sorry about your job." She placed his hand over his, tentatively at first.

He looked down at it, a slight smile appearing on his lips. "It isn't a big deal." He said, thinking that in the end it was only a small loss compared to what he had lost before.

"No, it's not. I understand how important a job can be, and having to give it up, or lose it, it sucks."

"What's going on?" He said warmly, looking at her with concern.

"What do you mean?"

"With your job. You didn't lose it, did you?

"Not yet." Maria sighed, "It's not really that I am going to lose it, as much as I have to give it up. I'm a journalist, it was always my dream, but I'm not that successful and probably never will be. As an agent I have to stay hidden and I can't do that with the risk of my face popping up on T.V. It's too risky, so I have to give it up."

"I'm so sorry." He said genuinely.

"It's okay. You do what you got to do, you know?"

"Yeah," He nodded, but after a moment said, "Actually, No. Believe me, I used to think that way, but maybe what it is you got to do is focus on what you really care about, you know? That one thing you can't bear to lose. Look, all that I'm saying is, don't sacrifice what you love for success. I don't know you very well, but something tells me you'd be happier as a journalist, and well, I want you to be happy." He said, feeling more like Billy, as compared to Barney, than he had in a long time. Maria seemed to bring out that piece of him that was awkward yet honest and sweet.

She smiled, "You really are a good guy."

Billy shook his head, "Don't say that."

"But you are, and you should stop pretending otherwise." Maria responded, seeing beneath the villain act, knowing that there was often a very different person beneath the one on the surface. She could see that in him.

"You don't understand. I killed her." He said.

"Who?"

"Penny, the girl I was in love with. She's dead and it's because of me." He proceeded to tell Maria the story of how she had died, clearly frustrated with himself.

"It wasn't your fault." She reached for his hand, hesitantly. "You're still a good guy, you never wanted to hurt her.

…

About a week went by before they saw each other again, both at their favourite bar in the city. Robin nodded, listening to her friend Kathy talk about work. Barney stood at the bar, scotch in hand, fighting the urge to roll his eyes as Ted chattered on about his currently non-existent love life.

Across the room, Robin spotted Billy, glancing back in her direction. He was instantly captivated from the sight of her. She wore a simple, green turtleneck, and yet he couldn't help but think she looked sexier than anyone else in the bar that night, or any other night for that matter. She smiled, excused herself from her conversation, and headed over to him. When she arrived, aside from a brief look shared between them, before she could even say a word Barney pulled an attractive, dark-haired man from behind him, introducing him before rushing off. "Hi, have you met Ted?"

"Lemme guess… Ted." She greeted him, her eyes momentarily darting off in Billy's direction. "I'm Robin."

While the two of them talked, Billy stood by the jukebox, dragging his eyes away from them and trying to distract himself with the gorgeous blonde he was currently flirting with. He mentally slapped himself for the thoughts of Maria that lingered in the back of his mind as he hit on a ten he actually had a shot with.

Robin wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment, and she knew if she let herself feel whatever she was beginning to feel for Billy she'd be unable to keep things casual. She was so scared of how much she liked him, how much she thought about him, that she was even near grateful he had thrown another guy her way. It clearly meant that he didn't feel as she did. _Finished with that. _Robin told herself. He didn't like her, but Ted obviously did. And knowing that, she figured she could shake those thoughts of him and move on. But she was unsuccessful, even having set up a date with Ted the following night, the image of Billy in the corner of her eye talking to some gorgeous blonde made her more jealous than she'd ever admit.

"De… wait for it… nied. Denied!" Barney teased Ted, after watching Maria toss a drink into his face before walking off.

Ted flashed him her number, "We're going out tomorrow night."

"What? But I thought we were playing laser tag tomorrow night?!" He said, disappointed that she had agreed to go out with him, but knowing he couldn't express this to Ted and trying to cover it up with what must have been the lamest, yet most convincing lie that came to him.

A part of him regretted introducing them. But he had seen that look in Ted's eye, the one that said he was going to spend the next few months of his life pining over this girl he hadn't yet met. And with that look he had found the opportunity to pull himself away from the first girl he had had feelings for since Penny. He didn't want anything serious, and he knew if he let himself feel what he was beginning to feel for Maria he'd be unable to keep things casual.

When he was honest with himself, he knew that he felt guilty for liking her. He felt like he was betraying Penny, for the second time. And simultaneously, he was terrified. He never wanted to feel again, and more than anything, he never wanted to feel love again. He was sure that if he continued this thing with Maria that love would become inescapable. He took a deep breath, remembering the promise he had made to himself, time and time again, and broken just as often. _I won't feel a thing._

When Ted had left, Robin plopped down across from Barney in the booth nearest to the bar, where he had been alone, drinking a scotch and no longer chatting up the girl from before. He couldn't understand why he hadn't gone home with her, as she was willing and unbelievably hot. He had spent the last few minutes staring down at her phone number, debating whether or not he would ever call her.

"What happened to that girl?" Robin asked, reading his mind.

"I don't know. I guess I like to do some catch and release every once and a while." He shrugged.

After a moment, she forced herself to utter the question that would put her hopes to rest. "Does it um, does it bother you that I agreed to go out with Ted?" She was doubtful, having convinced herself that whatever was between them was strictly one-sided. But she had to know for sure, she couldn't go on this date with him at the back of her mind, unsure of whether or not he felt as she did.

"No, not at- why would It?" He responded, doing a truly horrible job of lying, which, for some reason she was unable to realize.

"I just thought, never mind." _Finished with that. _She told herself again, hoping the message would sink in this time around.

"I mean, it's not that I don't like you, I just can't go down that road again. Not after Penny-" His voice trailed off.

There was a pause, as they shared a look that somehow managed to convey all that was ineffable but needed to be expressed. "I'm so sorry." Robin said.

"Don't be. It's nothing." Billy did everything he could to hold the tears in. It was a skill he had thought to have mastered, and yet it took every ounce of willpower he had not to break down, right then and there. After all this time, he could still here Penny's sweet voice echoing in his head, _Keep your head up, Billy buddy._ The sound managed to simultaneously comfort him and tear him into more pieces than he was in before. For a split second, a small part of him was able to believe that she was here with him in the flesh, sitting beside him looking at him with those kind eyes. But the moment ended, and he realized that she wasn't, and never would be again.

"I should go." He said quietly, turning to her "Maria-"

"It's Robin." She replied. He looked back at her quizzically. "My actual name is Robin, Maria is just a code name."

"Robin." He repeated. "I'll see you soon."

And they did see each other soon after, and a million times after that.

…

Time passed. Days. Months. Years. Ted and Robin dated for a while, but things soon became clear that they lacked something that she had only with Barney. A lot happened between then and the day of Barney and Robin's wedding. And, as should be expected from life, there was a whole lot of pain. Barney had lost Penny. Ted eventually lost Robin. Marshall briefly lost Lily, as she briefly lost him. But in the winding course of events that occurred over the years that followed even the abundance of heartbreak proved to turn things for the better.

While Billy had disappeared somewhere along the road, there would always be a small part of Barney that was caring and sweet as he had been before. It was Robin that brought this part out of him. And although he remained manipulative, clever, charismatic Barney Stinson, she always understood how much more there was to him. But most importantly, she loved every part of him, the parts that made other people roll their eyes, or pull faces of disgust, she loved them all. And he, against all odds, learned to love again.


End file.
